Just One More Thing

How all of the little extras that get placed upon us in life can sometimes be too much to bear.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen. It's your friend Mike here on the Amazing Journey podcast. Thank you for taking the time to join to join me for about another half hour of fun and information where I share some of the lessons learned in my amazing journey in life. And hopefully you can apply some of these lessons learned to your own lives and not make the mistakes that I made. If it turns out you've made the same mistakes that I've made, then we can commiserate together. There is strength in numbers. We're going to start the podcast today. The way we start all of them moving forward with three musical selections from my college of musical knowledge. I am recording this on a Tuesday. So when I record a podcast on Tuesday, I've made the executive decision we are going to have two for Tuesday. And we're going to talk about or discuss or mention two songs from the same artist. So today's artist that is going to get the two for Tuesday, going to be our first two for Tuesday, the Rolling Stones. And the two songs I'd like to give a little plug for are Beast of Burden and Time is on my side. And the third song that I would like to mention is by Molly Hatchett, Flirtin' with Disaster. Now you may say, Michael, that's a rather eclectic mix right off the rip in the show. What could your topic possibly be about? And so today we're going to discuss the concept of one more thing. And I think by the time we tie things up today, all of this will make sense. The musical selections will tie, will tie in nicely, and we will leave this podcast empowered. Why am I talking about just one more thing? Just one more thing. Those of us that are of a certain age will remember a limited detective series that started in the United States in the 1960s and was recorded sporadically, periodically into the 1990s. And that is the detective show Columbo. Peter Falk played the lead character of Lieutenant Columbo. And Lieutenant Columbo was a detective from the Los Angeles Police Department. His backstory was he grew up in Brooklyn. He went to serve in the Korean War. He got back from Korea, became a police officer, wanted to change the scenery and better weather. So he ended up in Los Angeles. And he always looked like he just rolled out of bed. He had this tan raincoat that was crumpled and rumpled, and he always looked just disheveled, like he needed a shave and a shower. And because of his appearance, a lot of the murderers underestimated him. And they thought that they could get away with murder and put one over on him because he looked kind of frumpy and dumpy. And he would ask his questions, as all good police officers doing an investigation do. And when they thought the interview was over, he would turn around and say, just one more thing, ma'am. Just one more thing, sir. And after a while, the criminals, the polite veneer of the facade would drop and finally they would crack. And when they cracked, that's when Lieutenant Columbo would get them. Well, it got me thinking how life is often like a Lieutenant Columbo episode. Not that we go around committing murder, although some of the places that I've thought, I have to be honest, I may have had it pop into my mind, but I got it out just as quickly and went to confession. But the level of frustration and the and the pressure, like we all have so many things in life going on, especially here in the digital information age. Newsfeeds and podcasts and videos and Instagrams and TikToks and Facebook, like mess, everything is coming at us at such a high rate of speed. And just when you think you've got your daily, weekly, monthly routine down out of left field, somebody brings something and says, Hey, could you just do me a favor? One more thing before you go home today. And the air can just come out of you like a balloon. You can completely deflate. And enough of these one more things or a one more thing on a particularly bad day can cause you to spin. And as we'll see by the end of this podcast, enough of these one more things together could possibly make you very sick. I think back to my time as a young boy, as the oldest in my family, the bulwork and the vast majority of the chores fell on me for quite some time. And summertime, the days were longer. So in my parents' mind, it was more time for us to get stuff done, more time for outdoor chores. So uh we were blessed to have an above-ground swimming pool. And as I got older, got stronger and a little bit more coordinated, one of my chores was to vacuum a swimming pool. And Saturday was chore day in our house. So you got up, um, dad got you up at seven in the morning, and you vacuumed, and then you dusted, and then you cleaned the bathrooms, and then you washed the kitchen floor, then you went out in the yard and cleaned up after the dog to make sure that there was nothing in the way for when you were going to cut the grass. And then when the grass was cut, you got to vacuum the pool. Now, being rather effective and efficient, I was able to get most of this stuff done by just after lunch, about one o'clock, one thirty in the afternoon. And then if it was a beautiful day, like it is as the time I record this podcast, I would mistakenly think that I could actually go in and enjoy the pool that I just vacuumed. And then my father would say it. Just one more thing. Your grandmother's grass needs to be cut. And so I would either get a ride from my mom or dad nine miles down to grandma's house, and I would cut grandma's grass. Grandma had a lot of yard accoutrements, shall we say. We had gnomes, we had birds' baths, we had plastic swans, we had a lot of stuff, and all of it needed to be moved to one side of the yard and you would mow the grass, and then you would move it to the other side of the yard and mow the grass, and you would trim around the fence and the trees and the flagpole, and you think that you're done. So now you're going to get to go home and enjoy that swimming pool. Oh, but no, because you have another grandmother in the city, and let's just drive by to make sure that her grass is done too. I think most of you have figured out the grass was never done too. I had a whole ton of cousins on that side of the family, and um, I'm not sure what was if it was something in the water that nobody else could figure out how to start a lawnmower, but all I know is that nobody did. So from a young age, you learn the benefit of one more thing. Well, now you get home at five o'clock and you have to eat your supper, and you can't go into the swimming pool for an hour until after you eat, and now it's seven o'clock and you just want to go to bed because you've done chores all day, right? Some of you out there listening are like, Michael, that's a first world problem. And you would be absolutely positively correct. I acknowledge that. But the point that I'm trying to make is it's a series of little things that you hadn't planned on that can make a day very long and add to stress and add to levels of physical and emotional exhaustion. I remember being in middle school and having my first group project, and that was the next milestone marker in life where I realized that one more thing was a real thing. And I had really hoped that it was foreshadowing, it was not foreshadowing of things to come in the future. Because I remember at the start, the teacher explained to us how we write an outline and then we break things up, and everybody needs to do their part of the project. And you would get together after school in the library. There were four of you, two of you probably took the project seriously. The other two laughed and goofed it off. And oh no, I'll get my mom to take me to the public library. Oh, my dad has encyclopedias, I can use it. You get together and and you say, Hey, you know, where's your portion? Hey, I'm working on it. Give me a break, you know, back off. We'll get it done. We'll get it done. And this is this is before we had laptops and tablets and internet on demand and AI to do research for us. Then you get the phone call the night before the project. Yeah, dude, I'm so sorry. I I didn't I didn't get my part done. What are we gonna do? And you're in this spot where you all are getting a cumulative grade. So if they don't do their part and you turn in a project half complete, you're going to fail. You're gonna get a failing grade. And I don't know how other people's parents were, but my parents did not accept excuses for failure. So I learned pretty quickly that this was going to come back on me. So now the night before, you're busting hump and chasing your tail to try to get something, and you pull it out, and you end up getting an A on the project, and your other group members are patting you on the back. And two of them didn't do anything, and the added stress that you had for that class now means maybe you had to neglect something else in your studies, or maybe it was your chores during the week that you get didn't get done, so now you're playing catch-up because of one more thing. My naivety as a young man, almost of a, you know, I guess you could say I was a little bit of a Pollyanna. I've always my whole life tried to find the good in people and give people the benefit of the doubt. So I believe that those immature behaviors would we would outgrow them, right? People in the workplace aren't going to do that. Boy, was I sadly mistaken. We we didn't have a lot of it in the military because it wouldn't be tolerated. Uh but it did happen. And sometimes these things happened at the worst possible times. And people could be disciplined or court-martialed or administratively separated, but it didn't change the fact that perhaps your mission readiness capability was degraded and people's lives could have been at risk. I retired from the military and had several jobs along the way trying to figure out where I fit. And nowhere was one more thing more prevalent than in the profession of event management. 20-hour days are the norm as you get close to any type of major event. And it takes you three days of preparation for one day of event. So you make up time where you can, and that's evening hours, that's working all nighters, that's working on weekends, that's going to work on holidays when other people in the workplace are home. And you become like a dumping repository because you're trying to get these tasks done, you're responding to emails. People that are home by their swimming pools or out to dinner see that you're responding to emails. And so what do they respond to you? Mike, just one more thing. If you're in the office, could you just dot dot dot dot? Just one more thing. Well, if you get a half a dozen one more things from six different people, it's not one more thing, it's six more things, right? And how many of us have similar experiences in our own work lives? You're going to spend most of your adult life working, unless you're independently wealthy, which if you are, as a sidebar, I'm just turned a little green with envy because I'm not. But when you think about how many times in your own careers that your work day was extended, that you had to give up time with family on the weekend or in the evening for other people's one more things. It it is mind-blowing. In preparing for this podcast, I was thinking about it, and my head was actually starting to spin. I got a little bit dizzy. Running parallel with this is when you're raising a family. Where does one more thing come in when you're raising a family? You're planning a family vacation. Mom and dad are both working very hard, very diligently, doing their day jobs. They're also working to be the best, you know, mentors and protectors and providers they can be for their children. They're getting ready to go on vacation. You know, dad is doing his best to pack the car, mom is doing her best to pack the stuff to go into the car, and the kids are like, hey, can we each bring a friend? It's just one more thing. It's one more person each. People have gotten divorced for a lot less. So something that is supposed to be great for the entire family, quality time together, has now just been capsized and sunk because we're trying to keep our children happy because they each just wanted one more thing. And then let's not forget technology. Technology is a force multiplier in the one more thing arena and not in a good way. When the phone keeps dinging and buzzing and vibrating with notifications, you know, your credit card bill is due, your mobile phone bill is due. You know, don't forget to pay National Grid. National Grid, the electric provider here in part of the country where I'm at, wants to give you all kinds of helpful tips to keep your energy bill down after they've raised it 40%. It's one more thing. The gasoline prices are going up, it's one more thing. Grocery prices are through the roof, it's one more thing. Somebody that you love has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness, it's one more thing. And it doesn't ever seem to stop, and it doesn't ever go in the opposite direction. And if you don't take the time to acknowledge it, you can really think that you're going crazy. So this is the point in our podcast where we give out some product endorsements. The first product I'm going to give a shout out to is something that has helped me in these crazy times and has for many years, and that's the daytimer brand planner. Yes, I know I'm a Neanderthal. I'm very old-fashioned. What am I thinking? Actually, writing things out on a piece of paper when I have this electronic computer in my pocket and a laptop that I can look at and all of these other whiz-bang things. If I were if I weren't so cheap, I'd buy myself one of those watches. I could tap my watch and, you know, make it look like I'm James Bond. Folks, for somebody like me, as life starts to spin and hits a certain speed, I have to pump the brakes and look down at a piece of paper and see things laid out chronologically almost by the hour. So when somebody says, you know, Mike, can can you swing by and look at the fill valve on my toilet? No, I really can't. The day timer helps keep me straight. The second thing I would like to give a shout out to is BC headache powder. I got turned on to BC headache powder when I was stationed down south in the military. I had never heard of it, never realized it was a thing. It is the fastest working medication I've ever used. With all of these one more things and the added stresses that we have in life, sometimes you get a good headache. And I'm a big baby when it comes to headaches. Uh, they debilitate me. So as soon as I feel one coming on, a little BC powder on the tongue, literally within minutes I'm feeling better and the headache is gone. And the third thing I'd like to give a shout out to are the most comfortable flip-flops I've ever owned. And yes, I understand flip-flops are bad for your feet, but I don't like to walk around barefoot. Um, and when I want to cool my feet off and I'm walking around the house or or uh relaxing at the beach, the Telec brand molds to my foot and gives incredible support. It's the most comfortable flip-flop I have ever worn. I've I've used them for years now. They last a long time, they're comfortable, they look great. And when you have a whole bunch of one more things, you've got to get your comfort when and how you can. And sometimes it's the little things that help bring you back to reality. Telic flip-flops, you can't go wrong with them, folks. So let's talk about the lessons learned. You know, if I could go back and I could do things differently, how would I have protected myself against all of these one more things? Right? The first thing is I would set limits and boundaries both personally and professionally. It is great to be dependable and reliable. That's the reputation that you want to have. That said, one of the difficult lessons that I've learned along the way is that I taught people how to treat me. So when they realized that I was never going to tell them no, and I would say, yeah, it's no problem, just leave it on the desk. Because it was easier than arguing with somebody, it was easier than possibly starting a confrontation. Guess what happened? People put a lot more stuff on my desk. And if my office door was closed, they'd slide it under the door as they were walking out the door on time, right? So you have to set limits and boundaries. And along those lines, another thing that I learned, and I've mentioned this in other podcasts, no is a complete sentence, and no explanation is necessary, with the exception of maybe to your spouse or to your boss. And in some cases, they're one and the same. But you have to set limits, you have to push back. Everybody's free time, time off, and vacation time is precious. And when you give it away, people will keep taking it. Your health and well-being take priority. If you do not have your health, you have nothing. And that includes your mental health. So respect what your body needs. If it's time to go to bed, then go to bed. If all of your work and your chores are done at the end of the day and it's summertime and it's beautiful outside, the birds are chirping, the insects are pollinating, there's a great breeze. Enjoy that breeze. Sit down, enjoy the breeze, enjoy the sunshine, crack open a book, listen to the ball game on the radio. Whatever it is you need to do to relax, do not forgo that relaxation time to cover down for other people all the time. Every now and then it's kind and decent to do somebody a favor. But it has been my experience that it very rapidly and very often leads to abuse. I let people abuse me. You that are listening to this podcast, I consider my friends, and I don't want you to be abused. So please see reference A, set those limits and boundaries. The next thing that I learned the hard way is you should never let people's inaction at work affect your free time with the people that you love at home. There has to be some type of professional accountability. I'm a realist. I understand there are politics in every workspace, and there are some people in each workspace that are chosen. You're not going to get away from that, no matter where you go or what organization that you're part of. But this is where it's important to keep numbers and records of what you actually get done in the day. Go to work every day, being able to justify every hour you're there and every dollar that they pay you. And force management to look at actual productivity metrics so that they can see what you're doing, what is being advice, what is being thrown on you additionally. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, folks. The next thing I learned through not doing it is how crucial vacations are. That was a huge, tragic mistake I made. They would call me when I was on vacation and I would answer. I never got the time back. Nobody ever said we bothered you for a half a day when you were supposed to be off, so take another half a day. Never happened. Didn't happen in the service, didn't happen in civilian life. Don't do what I did. You take those, you schedule those vacations, you take those vacations, and barring a family emergency, you stick to those vacations. And the last thing that I ask that you take with you is that a lack of planning on somebody else's part does not constitute an emergency on your part. It just doesn't. And you have to stick by that. You have to stand up for yourself and do your part. Make sure your stuff is tight, but do not, under any circumstances, constantly make it so that you have to be covering down for other people and explaining away their mistakes. Now, Mike, your tone is very passionate today. The pace of what you're saying is faster than usual. Why is that? Because folks, this is critical. My friends, this can literally be the difference between life or death. And this is why. Back in 1967, two psychiatrists, medical doctors, Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahie from the University of Washington, developed what they call a stress inventory. It's also known as a social readjustment rating scale. What this is and what this does is it takes life events that most of us go through at some point or another, and it assigns a value to them. Scale rather quickly with you so that you understand what I'm talking about. At the top of the scale, if you lost a spouse, they score that as a hundred. If you get divorced, you score a 73. If you're separated maritally from your mate, that's a 65. If you're detention in jail or another institution, that's a 63. If you have a close family member die, that's a 63. A major personal injury or illness gets scored as a 53. If you get married, that's scored as a 50. If you get fired at work, that's a 47. If you have marital reconciliation with a mate, that's 45. Retirement is 45. Major change in health or behavior of a family member is 44. Pregnancy is a 40. Sexual difficulties is a 39. Gaining a new family member through birth, adoption, or an older adult moving in is a 39. Major business readjustment is a 39. Major change in a financial state is a 38. Death of a close friend is a 37. Changing to a different line of work is a 36. Major change in the number of arguments with your spouse, either more or less than usual, is 35. Taking on a mortgage for a home or a business is a 31. A foreclosure is a 30. Major change in responsibilities through a promotion or demotion at work is a 29. A son or daughter leaving home for marriage, attending college, joining the military is a 29. Troubles with your in-laws is a 29. Outstanding personal achievement being recognized for something is a 28. Spouse beginning or ceasing work outside the home is a 26. Beginning or ceasing formal schooling is a 26. Major change in living condition is a 25. Revision of personal habits is a 24. Troubles with your boss is a 23. Major changes in working hours is a 20, as is a change in residence or changing to a new school. Major change in usual type or amount of recreation is 19. Major change in church activity is a 19. Major change in sleeping habits is a 16. Taking on a car loan is a 17. Major change in number of family get-togethers is a 15. Major change in eating habits is a 15. Vacation is a 13. Holidays are a 12. And minor violations of the law like traffic tickets, jaywalking, disturbing the peace are 11. All of those individual items that I just mentioned, most of us have gone through or do go through fairly frequently. The way that this scoring system works is you're supposed to add up all of the stuff, all of those numbers and values that have happened to you in the last 12 months. If you add those events up and they score 150 or less, you have a relatively low amount of life change, a low susceptibility to stress induced health breakdowns. You've got some room to handle the one more things. The 150 to 300 points implies about a 50% chance of a major health breakdown in the next two years. You better pump the brakes and put the parking brake on and not be taking a whole lot of one more things. And 300 points or more raises the odds to about 80% of having a serious health issue. And serious is defined as something that can be fatal pretty quickly. You think about that. If you have a problem with your boss, if you lost your job, there's financial pressures, your house is in foreclosure, you're going through a divorce, there's child custody issues, and you have a sick or dying or parent that passed or sibling that passed, your score gets to 300 in a nanosecond. And that type of stress will kill you. That's the big stuff. When you're maxed out from the big stuff already, and people keep adding one more thing and one more thing and one more thing, and you're trying to be the stand-up person because that's who you are, because that's who you've always been, ladies and gentlemen, my friends, it can cost you your life. I implore you, I implore you, take a second and look at your lives and get some of your own sanity back. Have enough love and respect for yourselves to do some self-care. The people who love you and respect you, they need you. They want to be talking about making great memories, not all of the wonderful things they need to say at your eulogy. I think that's enough for today. I have enjoyed making this podcast and pointing out something that I believe is extremely important that most of us don't think about because what do we say? Well, it's just life. Well, it's not. We need to take care of ourselves, we need to look after each other. Until we get together again, folks, please be kind. Look after the folks that you love. Take care of yourselves. Learn to say no. Limit your just one more things that you add to your plates every day. If you want to reach out, you have any comments, please reach out to me. Amazingjourneypodcast at PM.me. Once again, that's AmazingJourney Podcast at PM.me. If you like what I say, please share it with your friends. As I've mentioned before, we're up on Apple Podcasts, we're on Spotify, we're on all of the major podcast platforms. Not up on YouTube yet. Um, I will be up on Podbean by the end of the week. Once again, folks, it's been a pleasure. This is your friend Mike, and I'm signing off.